Tyler J. Wagner (ابو پاسكال) ([info]giantlaser) wrote,
@ 2004-03-12 17:06:00
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The South African bottle opener
I was at a BBQ held by [info]slownewsday's company. The staff are mostly British, British-descended Africans, and South Africans. The average one has a barrel chest and wrists the size of my biceps. And they love guns and beer.

I am a girl-drink drunk. When we get together at these regular events, I favor whatever can be mixed up from vodka and various sodas. So when I found Smirnoff Ice at the last party, I was ecstatic. Until I realized I couldn't find a bottle opener anywhere. Because you don't need one for giant cans of Heinecken, right?

On my way to the kitchen, I asked one of the South Africans if he can help me. He laughed and said "Sorry mate, I don't have a Browning anymore." I didn't know what he's planning, but I was curious to see. So I handed him my pistol, clear, with the slide open. He turned the gun over, stuck the top of the bottle into the cartridge ejection port and popped the top clean off.

I just stood there, slack-jawed. He laughed and said "Anyone who's ever served in the South African police knows how to do that."

Modern weapons like the Glock and Sig Sauer P220 series may have lighter composites, superior accuracy, and night-visible sights. But my trusty Browning opens my beer for me, and that makes all the difference.



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That does it.
[info]grumpy_sysadmin
2004-03-12 06:53 am UTC (link)
I'm getting a Pennsylvania carry-and-conceal license so that I can do that.

I won't even buy ammo for the gun except at ranges, but that trumps anyone's key-ring bottle opener.

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[info]knowyermonkey
2004-03-12 07:43 am UTC (link)
lol....girl drink drunk...that was one of my fave kids in the hall skits
next to the one about "citizen kane"

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[info]akbar56
2004-03-12 08:11 am UTC (link)
have a choo choo charlie! its like candy!

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[info]knowyermonkey
2004-03-12 01:43 pm UTC (link)
LOL!
that's how it always starts..
damn choo choo charlies!

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...You take 6 fresh strawberries, blend and garnish with a paper umbrella..
[info]hallandoatbran
2004-03-12 07:48 am UTC (link)
Amen to girl drinks... though I don't get drunk on them.... it takes a screamin' nazi for me to loose my pants. (oh lord, so many drinks, so few pants...)

And your last line is so Frost-y...... "But I took the bottle opener less traveled, and that has made all the difference." Bra-vo!

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Re: ...You take 6 fresh strawberries, blend and garnish with a paper umbrella..
[info]giantlaser
2004-03-12 11:42 pm UTC (link)
I was hoping someone would notice the reference. I've liked that quote ever since Jayme made me watch Dead Poets Society. Which was, uh, last week. :)

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[info]smurfetts_lamb
2004-03-12 08:15 am UTC (link)
Heheheh. I'm suprised over there no one has taught you that before. It brought back a weird memory of me being like 4 or 5 and one of dads friends showing me how to do that so i could open all the beers that night.
What an odd memory. Don't worry, the gun was taken away from me once my dad saw what i was taught. I don't remember the gun but i think there are several oldies that do that.

okie enough of my weird military- drunkards childhood. Heh.

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[info]meanbuddha
2004-03-12 09:02 am UTC (link)
You know, people here in the states who know me and tangently you, ask me about you every once in a while. So I refer 'em to your stories as I read them here. It is crap like this keeps them coming back for more.

Stay safe Ty, no bombs on ya

-d

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[info]sainton
2004-03-12 11:18 am UTC (link)
You've sold me. That is one of the best reasons I've heard to by a pistol here in SB.

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[info]dangerpudding
2004-03-12 11:04 pm UTC (link)
Apparently that's a MacGuyver move too (though I think it's closing valves or something..) ;)

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[info]giantlaser
2004-03-12 11:41 pm UTC (link)
MacGuyver didn't like guns, though. The worst he would do was use a flare gun. :)

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[info]commander_zero
2004-03-14 11:36 am UTC (link)
For a while, Israeli Uzis had a bottle opener built onto the gun because too many troops were using the magazine as a bottle opener, bending the feed lips, and thereby causing problems in terms of reliable function. (Of the gun, not the troops.)

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[info]giantlaser
2004-03-15 07:54 am UTC (link)
Now that is funny.

Hmmm. A standard stagger-stack 9mm magazine has about the right aperture for that. But the lips are really thin. I imagine they'd bend easily.

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