Date: 2004-03-12 17:06 Subject: The South African bottle opener Security: Public

I was at a BBQ held by slownewsday's company. The staff are mostly British, British-descended Africans, and South Africans. The average one has a barrel chest and wrists the size of my biceps. And they love guns and beer.

I am a girl-drink drunk. When we get together at these regular events, I favor whatever can be mixed up from vodka and various sodas. So when I found Smirnoff Ice at the last party, I was ecstatic. Until I realized I couldn't find a bottle opener anywhere. Because you don't need one for giant cans of Heinecken, right?

On my way to the kitchen, I asked one of the South Africans if he can help me. He laughed and said "Sorry mate, I don't have a Browning anymore." I didn't know what he's planning, but I was curious to see. So I handed him my pistol, clear, with the slide open. He turned the gun over, stuck the top of the bottle into the cartridge ejection port and popped the top clean off.

I just stood there, slack-jawed. He laughed and said "Anyone who's ever served in the South African police knows how to do that."

Modern weapons like the Glock and Sig Sauer P220 series may have lighter composites, superior accuracy, and night-visible sights. But my trusty Browning opens my beer for me, and that makes all the difference.